What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
