I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
