Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
