so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
