no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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