She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
