how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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