Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
