just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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