Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And then he peed in my hair
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