I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
