haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
