1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
