physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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