too bad you live with your parents still
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
