So drunk its hurt
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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