I should be sponsored by Trojan
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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