I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
