I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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