My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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