dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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