wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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