She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
