i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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