i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
