I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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