at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
