Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
