epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Rumble strips road head = magical
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
