Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
