don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
