After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
