Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
