Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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