Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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