so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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