oh god the rape fog is back!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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