with your own penis?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
