but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
