I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was born a porn star she said
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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