Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
