Joe is yelling at the trees again.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
