You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she woke up with a sticky ear
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
