The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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