nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
