He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
