oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I have vodka in my lungs
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
