I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
