K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
