I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
